Wilder wanted to make sure Gwyneth had enough toys.
Summer...
Wednesday, March 5
Monday, February 25
I stayed home from work today to be with the babies. Blake's parents have been in California for what seems to be FOREVER. Blake stayed home two days, his sister came from OKC Friday, and I took off today to cover the time they've been gone. We really need to find a daycare or babysitter that accepts drop-ins for occasions like this. It's something we always say we need to do but never make ourselves do it. It's especially hard right now with Gwyneth being so young.
We drove to Ada on Saturday for Blake's aunt's 80th birthday party. I was not really wanting to make a roadtrip on Saturday because of the week we'd had (me sick and normal busyness) but once Sat. morning rolled around I was ready. It's hard to pass up an opportunity to have Juanita's cooking (Blake's grandma). We also stopped to see Blake's other grandparents Toby (Wilder Sr.) and Evelyn. When we stopped at their house Toby was putting together a paint sprayer, Blake was helping him and Wilder insisted on helping - as you can see with his screwdriver in this pic. He is getting so big...and smart! He is climbing out of his crib now so watch out world!
Gwyn is growing into quite the vivacious little girl herself! more like her brother every day. She is a really good baby, she always has a smile for you. I think it's funny that she will laugh even when you're trying to be serious...I was trying to get her to go to sleep in this pic.
I went for my interview last Thursday at Booker T. Washington. I think it went pretty good. After being there I was even more interested in the position (teaching art). I don't know how many interviews the principal was planning on doing so I may not know anything for a while. I'm still keeping my eye on Owasso and Sand Springs, hopefully something will work out!
We drove to Ada on Saturday for Blake's aunt's 80th birthday party. I was not really wanting to make a roadtrip on Saturday because of the week we'd had (me sick and normal busyness) but once Sat. morning rolled around I was ready. It's hard to pass up an opportunity to have Juanita's cooking (Blake's grandma). We also stopped to see Blake's other grandparents Toby (Wilder Sr.) and Evelyn. When we stopped at their house Toby was putting together a paint sprayer, Blake was helping him and Wilder insisted on helping - as you can see with his screwdriver in this pic. He is getting so big...and smart! He is climbing out of his crib now so watch out world!
Gwyn is growing into quite the vivacious little girl herself! more like her brother every day. She is a really good baby, she always has a smile for you. I think it's funny that she will laugh even when you're trying to be serious...I was trying to get her to go to sleep in this pic.
I went for my interview last Thursday at Booker T. Washington. I think it went pretty good. After being there I was even more interested in the position (teaching art). I don't know how many interviews the principal was planning on doing so I may not know anything for a while. I'm still keeping my eye on Owasso and Sand Springs, hopefully something will work out!
Wednesday, February 13
I've been tagged by Jessica! I don't know how to link either so here's her blog: http://www.247mom-jessica.blogspot.com/
Thanks for making me sit down to blog Jessica, this was nice. Ok, I think I'll list my "top 5 places on my "want to see or want to see again" list. I know I said I wanted to start blogging about some of my favorite things, what a good way to get started! These aren't in any particular order.
1. The villiages in Honduras and Guatemala I visited during mission trips two college summers for a month at a time (traveled to in a converted school bus). These were life changing trips and the memories I have are very vivid. These places and things...the ocean, the streets, the orphanages, the children's faces, my team, the rainforest, the border, the cold, the hot, the churches, the food, the singing, the dump, the canoes, the praying...I cherish it all.
2. St. Francis and St. John Hospital the day both my babies were born.
3. Nice, France. (pictured) This time I want to go to the Henri Matisse museum. It was there I discovered my love for this artist. Matisse lived in Nice.
4. Generically the ocean. It's crazy how much I love it. How about Pompano Beach where Blake and I spent our honeymoon, or for a "want to see", how about Hawaii for a Jack Johnson concert, mmm dreamy.
5. And in the spirit of Valentines Day, the farmhouse on our wedding day. The sunset, the lights, the colors, my dress, the rain, the trees, my friends and family, the look on Blake's face.
6. I'm breaking the rules and adding one that I just thought of. Dinosaur Point, Grand Lake. (dinosaur point is a cove). This is my very favorite childhood memory. My grandmother Bernice and late grandpa Loyd used to own a trailor at Grand lake. My family went to the lake often growing up. If I could relive one day there it would be something like this...to be woken up early to go waterskiing before everyone else gets up by my grandpa or mom. from there I would make it to the porch to grab my still-wet-from-the-day-before swimsuit from the clothes line, put on my cold bathing suit and start my walk down the hill to the doc. i would be too lazy to put shoes on so I would take a dreadfully long time getting to the doc because i'd have to tip toe down the boat ramp to avoid stepping on rocks. I'd finally be in the boat - me, my mom, and my grandpa. the sun is just coming up and the water is perfectly still and quiet, there's drops of dew on all the seats in the boat. we make it past the dinasaur (it's not called dino. point for nothing) and on past the buoy's to the main part of the lake. my mom and i fuss to see who's going to go first - it's early and the water is cold. that first jump in the water is painful but once you're out of the water and on your skii's it's all worth it. the water is smooth and you have the whole lake to yourself. finally, after skiing my hardest i let go because i just can't hold on anymore and sail smoothly into what is now warm bathlike water. i watch my mom ski, and think maybe someday i'll be able to ski like her. my grandpa drives the boat, he doesn't say much but you know there's no place he'd rather be. we head back to the doc, make our way up the hill, tired. back at the trailor we're greeted by the smell of breakfast. grandma is cooking sausage. of course food always tastes better at the lake especially after being in the water. we have a big breakfast complete with sliced cantaloupe... i think that's a good memory to go to sleep on tonight friends!
I tag Saundra, http://waltandsaundra.blogspot.com/...everyone else I would tag to has already been tagged. I need more blog friends!
The Rules: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog. or Share the 5 top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list. or Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when your were 25 years old. Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.
Thanks for making me sit down to blog Jessica, this was nice. Ok, I think I'll list my "top 5 places on my "want to see or want to see again" list. I know I said I wanted to start blogging about some of my favorite things, what a good way to get started! These aren't in any particular order.
1. The villiages in Honduras and Guatemala I visited during mission trips two college summers for a month at a time (traveled to in a converted school bus). These were life changing trips and the memories I have are very vivid. These places and things...the ocean, the streets, the orphanages, the children's faces, my team, the rainforest, the border, the cold, the hot, the churches, the food, the singing, the dump, the canoes, the praying...I cherish it all.
2. St. Francis and St. John Hospital the day both my babies were born.
3. Nice, France. (pictured) This time I want to go to the Henri Matisse museum. It was there I discovered my love for this artist. Matisse lived in Nice.
4. Generically the ocean. It's crazy how much I love it. How about Pompano Beach where Blake and I spent our honeymoon, or for a "want to see", how about Hawaii for a Jack Johnson concert, mmm dreamy.
5. And in the spirit of Valentines Day, the farmhouse on our wedding day. The sunset, the lights, the colors, my dress, the rain, the trees, my friends and family, the look on Blake's face.
6. I'm breaking the rules and adding one that I just thought of. Dinosaur Point, Grand Lake. (dinosaur point is a cove). This is my very favorite childhood memory. My grandmother Bernice and late grandpa Loyd used to own a trailor at Grand lake. My family went to the lake often growing up. If I could relive one day there it would be something like this...to be woken up early to go waterskiing before everyone else gets up by my grandpa or mom. from there I would make it to the porch to grab my still-wet-from-the-day-before swimsuit from the clothes line, put on my cold bathing suit and start my walk down the hill to the doc. i would be too lazy to put shoes on so I would take a dreadfully long time getting to the doc because i'd have to tip toe down the boat ramp to avoid stepping on rocks. I'd finally be in the boat - me, my mom, and my grandpa. the sun is just coming up and the water is perfectly still and quiet, there's drops of dew on all the seats in the boat. we make it past the dinasaur (it's not called dino. point for nothing) and on past the buoy's to the main part of the lake. my mom and i fuss to see who's going to go first - it's early and the water is cold. that first jump in the water is painful but once you're out of the water and on your skii's it's all worth it. the water is smooth and you have the whole lake to yourself. finally, after skiing my hardest i let go because i just can't hold on anymore and sail smoothly into what is now warm bathlike water. i watch my mom ski, and think maybe someday i'll be able to ski like her. my grandpa drives the boat, he doesn't say much but you know there's no place he'd rather be. we head back to the doc, make our way up the hill, tired. back at the trailor we're greeted by the smell of breakfast. grandma is cooking sausage. of course food always tastes better at the lake especially after being in the water. we have a big breakfast complete with sliced cantaloupe... i think that's a good memory to go to sleep on tonight friends!
I tag Saundra, http://waltandsaundra.blogspot.com/...everyone else I would tag to has already been tagged. I need more blog friends!
The Rules: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog. or Share the 5 top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list. or Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when your were 25 years old. Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.
Tuesday, January 15
I wish I could always get everything I wanted to get on the blog...on the blog. I want to expand it a little more than updates on the kiddos. I don't know why it's been this week particularly but I've been feeling a little stressed or maybe just like I'm losing myself a little bit...and overwhelemed by the daily upkeep of the house. (sidenote: probably because we haven't had a dryer for almost a week now, the massive piles of clothes are fun, really.) I've had some Chrismas money burning a whole in my pocket so I went shopping on my lunch hour Monday. I bought a bird. A random little bird, from a store called Dwelling Spaces in downtown Tulsa. A very fun store that has a lot of unique furniture, gifts, and accessories. They also have a lot of items from local artists. Has anyone seen the "I heart Tulsa" shirts, or the "Don't hate the 918", or "I''m down with T-Town" t-shirts? Well they're sold there. Anyway, I went there wanting to buy something unique, a piece of jewelry or a tshirt or something. I ended up buying a handsewn wallet/pouch for my bag and this handmade bird. I had to buy it for Gwynny. All this to say it was refreshing to see so much creativity and made me long to be more creative or at least enjoy more art in my daily life. So I spent too much money on these two little items but they will serve as reminders to like I just read on my cousin's blog "stop and smell the roses" and do something fun. Plus I supported two artists and have one-of-a kind items! Something I want to do this year - LEARN TO USE MY SEWING MACHINE that is currently sitting at my mom's house. Could someone hold me accountable? There is so much I could do if I could use it and wasn't afraid of it.
New topic: My friend Saundra had her baby recently. Truly a miracle baby and birth. If anyone is curious and wants to read her birth story and the amazing way God was with her in all the details the link is: http://www.waltandsaundra.blogspot.com
As a way to write more I am going to start an ongoing-in no particular order- list of "my favorite things" and expand on them from time to time. I think this will be fun and help me to get more on the blog. With that said number one would have to be the internet. I don't have an ipod, I'm not interested in playing the Wii (althought watching Blake and my sister-in-law box at Christmas was hilarious), don't use half of my cell phone's features, but I do appreciate the internet and it's FREE ability to connect me with the outside world and stay in touch with people....isn't it satisfying to know and be known.
#2. (to be expanded upon). Bernice and Ila.
Ok, I'm cutting this short for now I've got to spend some time with my sweet hubby before I go to bed!
Tuesday, January 8
Happy New Year everyone. I have been slacking for sure on keeping my blog updated. I appreciate everyone else though for the updates...I check blogs alot, especially at work. It's pretty sad, when I finally have the opportunity to do anything on the computer it's after the babies go to bed and I'm too tired. Yeah, I'm usually in bed by 8:30. Sleep is gooood, and I take it when I can get it! Anyway, my friend from work came to our house last Sunday and took some photos for us. She used to do it professionally so she has all the fancy lights and camera (if anyone is interested). I realized that a photo of all of us smiling at the camera and looking decent is IMPOSSIBLE!...maybe when the kids are alot older. Oh well, it was still fun. I thought this one was kinda funny and captured the moment. I did get some really good shots of Gwyneth her being the only immobile one.
If you can read this make me a sandwich.
Wednesday, December 19
Tuesday, November 27
I've been spoiled the last few days having Blake home, we had a great time during the Thanksgiving holiday. Blake was off starting on Wednesday. We enjoyed the holiday and got some good things done around the house including a new Pergo (laminate) floor in Gwyneth's room and the living room, no more yucky carpet! I took Wilder and Gwyneth with the help of Jud & Lynda (nana and pappy) to the doctor yesterday. I haven't ventured out of the house with both babies yet, just for a walk so far. I was pleased that both are doing well, Wilder was off the charts in his height and 28% in his weight -definitely his daddy's body. And Gwyneth is already 10.5 pounds! The nurse said it was obvious the breastmilk was working out for her. I must say that I am so thankful that breastfeeding is going so well this time...yet another answered prayer and blessing. Today was back to being home with the two. It is getting easier each day...except when I'm really tired. Wilder has been in a better mood this week and has shown some interest in Gwyneth and likes to kiss her now. We spent about an hour in the backyard today. I had Gwyn in my front body carrier and Wilder was content with his usual rock collecting and feeding the neighbors dog sticks through the fence. I managed to make the most of the time and did some excercises...probably looked a little silly but multitasking is a must!
I'm planning on returning to work part time on December 10th, less than two weeks. At this time I am not looking forward to it but it's necessary for us right now. I'm a little worried about how Gwyneth will do, and me too actually. So keep us in your prayers.
The pic below we took at grandmother's house on Thanksgiving. 4 generations of women! (plus Wilder) I think that's pretty amazing.
And Blake is turning 30 on December 5th. If feels so wierd! I keep teasing him about being so much wiser than me now and how I'm reminded of things we did when we were in our 20's! Wow how time flies.
Friday, November 9
Instead of taking Wilder door knocking (he still wouldn't understand) we let him pass out candy on Halloween. We were surprised at how coorperative he was in his costume. It's like he knew he looked cute and he was super hyper that evening...could have been all the chocolate. The baby in the chili pepper costume is Jonas, son of our good friends Chris and Jen Holbert. He is only 2 months old. Some day these boys will love us for this one!
And just another photo of Wilder. I know it's because there is a newborn in our house but he is definitely growing fast and is more fun everyday! (and a challenge at times but the good outweighs the difficult!)
Isn't it amazing how one day can change your life completely? When we were driving home from the hospital it was bizarre to think just the day before we were on our way and now we were driving home with a new family member. I specifically remember everything seeming a little prettier that evening, like something had changed. The sunset was pretty, giving everything a special glow. Maybe I was just more observant that evening.
A few photos I wanted to share. This is my doctor, Dr. Larson. I am thankful her and her practice. I appreciate that she goes the extra mile to give women the opportunity to have the type of labors they desire. She is one of the few doctors in the state that chooses to carry the type of insurance allowing her to perform VBAC's. (Vaginal Birth after Csection). I love this photo. There aren't words to describe how awesome this moment was when Gwyneth was finally born. I got to hold her in all this goo! It was amazing.
Gwyneth has been an excellent baby. I am definitely getting more sleep than I did Wilder so far. The hardest thing has been Wilder and I adjusting to there being a new baby. It's been emotional at times but he is doing better and I am learning and realizing what life is going to have to look like in order to take care of both of them.
Thursday, November 1
Sunday, October 21
A quick update, this may be the last time I get to post for a while! I went to the doctor last Wednesday and found out I was already 4cm dialated. The doc predicted sometime early next week, tomorrow or Tuesday that I'd be in labor. So I guess she could come anytime but who knows I could go on like this for whle too. We were glad we had the weekend to get a little more ready for her here at home. Mom and dad came and helped us get her room painted. The doctor is very positive about me trying a vaginal birth so we're going to give it our best try! I'm praying she does come this week so she doesn't have a chance to get any bigger! And I am planning for a natural birth (no meds, or epidural). I feel it will increase my chances of having a successful birth, so keep me in your thoughts and prayers for strength! And pray for Blake too...that he will be able to be the support I need.
Wednesday, October 10
See that blue slide down below, well I went down it today with Wilder. What a sight I'm sure, me in my shorts and huge belly trying to get down it at 9 mos pregnant. There were some other ladies at the park that probably thought it was amusing. What could I do, I couldn't let him go by himself, he doesn't really understand the feet first concept yet.
I met with my new doctor today for my 36 week visit. It was a positive visit and we talked a lot about the possibility of a VBAC. We will know more next week when we do the in-depth ultrasound and she examines me. At that point we will have more of a plan and will be able to make an educated decision. I'm trying to just take this one day at time. I have a strong desire to try this but I also have a strong desire to do what's safest for our baby. Thought I'd share.
Meanwhile, she'll be here in about 4 weeks however she's born! I can't believe it, life will change again as we know it!
I met with my new doctor today for my 36 week visit. It was a positive visit and we talked a lot about the possibility of a VBAC. We will know more next week when we do the in-depth ultrasound and she examines me. At that point we will have more of a plan and will be able to make an educated decision. I'm trying to just take this one day at time. I have a strong desire to try this but I also have a strong desire to do what's safest for our baby. Thought I'd share.
Meanwhile, she'll be here in about 4 weeks however she's born! I can't believe it, life will change again as we know it!
Wednesday, October 3
THIS AND THAT
I can't believe it's already October, what happened to September? Well it being October 2nd, I am 35 weeks pregnant today. This little girl is growing and I have the belly to show for it. We are slowly getting things ready for her arrival. For some reason at the Collins' house we seem to do a complete remodel on a room before it becomes a nursery. Our 3rd bedroom, formerly our office/art stuff room is currently under construction. We (ok, Blake) pulled the carpet out and just finished scraping the popcorn stuff off the ceiling. So now we need to paint the room and put in our new floor, fun!
One reason I haven't posted in a while is because I've been busy thinking, and researching. I'm not sure exactly why the timing was so late but I've been exploring the idea of having a VBAC (vaginal birth aftet csection). If any of you didn't know I've had a planned csection up to this point. There is a lot to explain that I won't elaborate on but I would appreciate everyone's prayers. I would love the opportunity to try to have this baby naturally but am most concerned about her being born healthy and not putting her or I at risk. I recently read this and I think it's true, I think pregnancy is a very spiritually fertile time and that's what it's turned into for me. I am choosing to completely trust God with this pregnancy and so far through doing so He has opened my eyes to several things! More to come.
I have something really cool to share. Last week my grandmother Bernice gave me a baby gift. I opened it and it was her baby quilt made by her great grandmother. She had cherished it for 75 years and has passed it to me to enjoy and keep for a very long time. Our little girl will have a quilt made by her great, great, great, great, grandmother. I may have added an extra great, I'm tired and I can't say it without looking at the geneology. Grandmother typed out the geneology for me and even gave me copied photographs of her great grandmother who made the blanket and photos of her (Bernice) as a baby. I am so proud of this beautiful baby quilt and can't wait to display it in the nursery. I will try to post a photo on the blog soon.
Time to roll this body into bed, it's been a good but tiring day here at home. Two walks, lots of laundry, playtime, cooking, finishing up my thank you notes. Wilder and I had fun today. Today was the first day in a while that I was able get caught up at home or at least not feel like it's overtaking me! I was able to prepare a pretty healthy meal for us and we all were able to sit down and eat it together! Wow!
Thursday, August 30
Tonight required an emergency trip for ice cream. Did I say in my last post that Wilder was pleasant?...I meant most of the time. He definitely got on my last nerve tonight. It was just him and I and I was trying to cook dinner, he was over tired from the day and well the rest just went downhill from there. At one point there was spilled milk. I decided to try to put him to bed early for his sanity and mine and that didn't go over well. Blake came home and got him out of bed and we went for a walk and he fell asleep. Then a chocolate mix with cherries to which I credit my current stomach ache.
Anyway, kinda random, I thought I would post a few things we need. I'm getting ready to start looking at garage sales and resale shops for these things but I thought it might help if friends and family kept their eyes open too, couldn't hurt.
1. A computer desk, currently I am sitting on the floor in our bedroom writing this post, not too comfortable for a pregnant lady. We sold our big desk tomake room in the office for the new nursery so we need a small desk for our bedroom.
2. A baby sling. I am wanting to try a different kind with this little girl. I want the one piece kind that drapes over your shoulder, no straps. There are a few specific brands that I know of but I am open to anything tht will work.
3. A baby play yard! You know the ones that look like baby gates. I could have used one tonight. I am going to have to have one when the new baby comes and I'd like to get Wilder somewhat used to it before she comes.
4. A glider. I was anti glider with Wilder because I thought they were ugly. So I went with a hard rocking chair. I'm definietly into comfort now. They can be expensive so a nicely used one may work.
5. Maybe another crib and/or a toddler bed...not sure how this will all work out yet!
Also, a follow up on the teaching front. I received my certification in the mail yesterday. Feels good to know that I am set to teach when the right thing comes available. I am ok with not having a job this fall. I have to believe that God knew it was more than we could probably handle with a new baby. So possibly the Spring or Fall. There will be a position opening up in Owasso that Blake knows of next year so there is some potential there. If we both work in Owasso we will probably have to move a little closer. I will just have to hang in there at my current job. It's pretty bad, I've been at Urban Tulsa for about 2 years now and am a little tired to say the least of building ads for....hmmm bars and adult clubs (ok that 's not all I do but it still gets old). Also, somewhat beside the point here, we got a letter in the mail saying they're going to build a huge mine in the woods right behind our house! yikes. can you say decrease in property value? Who knows, maybe we'll move sooner than we think.
Sweet dreams everyone.
Anyway, kinda random, I thought I would post a few things we need. I'm getting ready to start looking at garage sales and resale shops for these things but I thought it might help if friends and family kept their eyes open too, couldn't hurt.
1. A computer desk, currently I am sitting on the floor in our bedroom writing this post, not too comfortable for a pregnant lady. We sold our big desk tomake room in the office for the new nursery so we need a small desk for our bedroom.
2. A baby sling. I am wanting to try a different kind with this little girl. I want the one piece kind that drapes over your shoulder, no straps. There are a few specific brands that I know of but I am open to anything tht will work.
3. A baby play yard! You know the ones that look like baby gates. I could have used one tonight. I am going to have to have one when the new baby comes and I'd like to get Wilder somewhat used to it before she comes.
4. A glider. I was anti glider with Wilder because I thought they were ugly. So I went with a hard rocking chair. I'm definietly into comfort now. They can be expensive so a nicely used one may work.
5. Maybe another crib and/or a toddler bed...not sure how this will all work out yet!
Also, a follow up on the teaching front. I received my certification in the mail yesterday. Feels good to know that I am set to teach when the right thing comes available. I am ok with not having a job this fall. I have to believe that God knew it was more than we could probably handle with a new baby. So possibly the Spring or Fall. There will be a position opening up in Owasso that Blake knows of next year so there is some potential there. If we both work in Owasso we will probably have to move a little closer. I will just have to hang in there at my current job. It's pretty bad, I've been at Urban Tulsa for about 2 years now and am a little tired to say the least of building ads for....hmmm bars and adult clubs (ok that 's not all I do but it still gets old). Also, somewhat beside the point here, we got a letter in the mail saying they're going to build a huge mine in the woods right behind our house! yikes. can you say decrease in property value? Who knows, maybe we'll move sooner than we think.
Sweet dreams everyone.
Wednesday, August 29
Wilder's birthday photos...and...
I felt the need to announce that I am feeling better and not so overwhelmed today! Thank you all for your good comments to my last post. Ultimately, I feel peace in trusting God and feel good knowing I can only do so much to keep my family safe and healthy and that I have to trust God for the rest.
So, yes, today was a good day. Wilder and I hung out all day. We went to the park and played for a while, it was nice there was nobody there but us. I am trying to really cherish the time we have together now just him and I knowing our lives are about to change. It's been hard being this pregnant and keeping up with him but he's worth it! I'm amazed at how pleasant he is and I love watching him play and discover new things and the expression on his face when he is so proud of himself. I felt like God was telling me to just be quiet and enjoy the blessings He's given me today, to focus on what is most important and to take time to rest. This peace was nice in comaprison to yesterday when my brain was running a hundred miles per hour thinking about all the issues I mentioned in my last post.
Meanwhile I am 30 weeks this week. Our little girl is coming soon. Still seems unreal that I will have two children. What will a girl be like? I am a little nervous about managing everything once she's here but I also feel confident that the last year has prepared me to handle whatever comes our way and that I will be able to really enjoy having her here. I almost went to a mommy meeting with a friend today and the topic was "How to manages stress as a new mom" or something like that. At first I thought I might benefit from it but ultimately I think I already know the answer. I need to pray more. I'm serious. I know it's that simple. I know I need to trust God more and depend on him for more things and the only way to do that is through a stronger prayer relationship. To be honest, I dont' really know how to make this happen. Since Wilder was born my prayer life has become really inconsistent and usually is just a few thoughts here and there. I must say though, surprisingly I don't really feel like God is distant, I know He has given me lots of grace this past year and am thankful He knows my thoughts without me having to tell him. I'm curious though, how do you find time to pray? What is your prayer life like? I am aware of the power of prayer and how life changing it can be, I want to make that more of a reality in my life again. So if anyone wants to share their experiences or what works for them I'm listening.
Tuesday, August 28
I've wanted to post this for a while. I have a problem. You may think all this sounds futile and silly, that this could cause me this much anxiety, but the reality is, lately it does. What is this problem you ask? Basically I've become an enthusiast for all things natural. Food, cleaning products, health and beauty, healthcare, mothering,...you name it. Why do I say this is a problem? This is a problem for me because it can get to the point sometimes that I wear myself out thinking about these things, I worry. Let me explain.
It all started at Wilder's birth. I think it's common for women to start thinking about these things when they have children. I think I have always been hardwired this way but now it just seems to just be surfacing. As I mentioned before I had a bad experience in the hospital with his birth and my doctor that somehow indirectly pushed me to learn to question mainstream healthcare in general as the patient and to always think about all your options. First thing-antibiotics. Most doctors prescribe them instantly to cure whatever symptoms or infection. On the other hand, a holistic, natural approach is to treat beginning signs of infection naturally with whatever it may be (when I say naturally it could mean homeopathic medicine, herbs, diet, supplements, etc.). I had done some reading - usually what causes me trouble. too much reading, about antibiotics and why some people don't like them because they destroy good antibodies along with the bad which can weaken the immune system. Of course reading this I did not want to give Wilder any. But alas his first ear infection came and the doctor prescribed amoxicillin. The whole thing felt insensitive and wrong to me even though she was doing what she knew to do. I fretted but I gave it to him anyway because I knew he needed it. Mainly because it was too late to treat anything naturally - and what did I really know about treating something on my own naturally - I'm not a doctor. It's scary to go into a natural health store and look at all the products...actually it's overwhelming because it all looks so good but where do you start? For example, one natural health care professional I talked to recommended giving Wilder some probiotics after his rounds of antibiotics to replenish his system. Why didn't my pediatrician tell me that? This is the most frustrating thing - There are two extreme opposite opinions about everything and I'm usually somewhere in the middle trying to figure out what's best or necessary. I've learned the difference between natural healthcare and conventional. One treats symptoms and one is more focused on treating the body as a whole and preventing problems. Ok, so that's the first category - Medicine. I still give Wilder Tylenol when I need to and am reluctantly giving him his Rynatan the doctor prescribed for his allergies/runny nose.
Second category-food. I would like to feed Wilder everything organic, but let's face it, who can afford it? I do as much as I can but not all things. I read that the pesticides, hormones, etc in non-organic food are bad for babies and small children because their bodies are smaller and developing so rapidly. I went through a small period where I decided I would make all of Wilder's food- puree it, freeze it. Yikes, who has time to do that? Like I said, I do what I can but don't obsess over this one. The hard thing about this one is that I'm not the only one that feeds Wilder. You can imagine what kinds of problems this brings up.
This one is funny and is an example of how you should NOT believe everything you read on the internet. I had read that in Great Britain or somewhere over there a study had been done connecting SIDS to mattress toxicity.
Basically chemicals in the materials in mattresses combined with moisture from a baby form a hazardous gas that the baby inhales. I was prepared to go get the special plastic recommended and cover Wilder's mattress. Also mentioned was the occurrence of SIDS happening after immunizations because of fevers and sweating. Of course, Wilder had some shots the day I had read this so of course I could hardly get to sleep that night. Luckily, after talking to my rational husband he convinced me again, not to believe everything on the internet and that Wilder would be fine, so this one I got over.
So this leads me to immunizations - oh my goodness. This is such a controversial subject that trying to dig and find an answer is very hard and overwhelming. Some think immunizations are bad. For several reasons, mercury contained in the shots, possible reactions and side effects. And why are kids still getting shots for diseases that aren't even found in this country anymore? Are immunizations (and the drug industry for that matter) just a way to make more money? I went through a stressful time deciding whether or not go get Wilder his immunizations. He's had them all to this day. I'm still not 100% sure I'm doing the right thing when he gets them. I always ask the doctor what he's getting and why and that helps a little. Eeek.
I've recently spent the little extra money on natural bath soap for Wilder. They carry "California Baby" at Target now and I'm thrilled about that. To sum this one up, I read in a magazine (more reputable than the internet) that the FDA isn't required to standardize what goes into health and beauty products like they do food. So pretty much anything goes. A lot of the chemicals and ingredients used in health and beauty products in the US are banned in places like Europe. There is a cool site (cosmetic database) that tells you exactly what is in specific products and gives each product a risk rating based on the ingredients and the possibility that they can cause cancer, reactions, and whatever else. This is what I'm up against people!!
I worry about cancer and behavioral things like autism, ect. I think it's an obvious fact that cancer is more prevalent today than 50 years ago. Blake says it's because there are more people in the world, maybe he's right. But what if it's because of increased exposure to hazardous chemicals and just how dirty the world is getting?
Sigh. Cleaning products, yes. I try to clean as much as I can with vinegar and baking soda now. I told Blake I need a t-shirt that says I heart baking soda (obviously making fun of myself). I was so excited the other night in the shower I cleaned my shower, washed my hair and face with it (interesting) and it was good for the drain too. What an amazing product! I can't stand the idea of Wilder crawling on the floor after we use the swifter and the solution that comes with it. Antifreeze-like products can't be good. This leads me to probably one of my biggest pet peeves - everything that is good for you or the environment is expensive!!! Seriously, I understand why but if we're really serious about our well being and the condition of the environment why are these products so inaccessible? I did spend extra money to try the earth friendly dish detergent and clothes detergent from Wild Oats one time and the truth is they just don't work as well. People want their clothes and dishes clean, so what can you do? Blah Blah.
I'm sure you get the point by now. The list can go on, there is potential danger in almost everything right. I need to wrap this up because I hear a baby stirrin. Please excuse the messy grammar, I was in a hurry!
So where does my faith come in? Where does God fall into all of this? I have to trust Him. I admit I don’t as much as I should. I let fear take over and I know fear is not from God. At times I find peace knowing He is ultimately in control – has control over our bodies and everything else, but sometimes it's not enough. I need prayers to accept grace. I know that the world is not perfect and we cannot shield ourselves from every potentially scary or hazardous thing. The line I’m constantly trying to find is trusting my instinct AND trusting God. I need prayers for wisdom. Especially with a new baby coming. I want peace.
Now I am thinking in these terms for this pregnancy and new baby. One thing specifically, I really want to be able to breastfeed this baby. I had mastitis (breast infection) twice with Wilder and basically gave up after a couple of months. I have asked my doctor what I can do to prevent this from happening again and he says “keep the breast clean an empty”. I need more than that! I’ve read that some women are just more prone to getting them and have read about some preventative measures that I’m working on getting more information and finding some local support groups. I think most importantly I just need prayers that everything will work this time! I also have some stress about hospital procedures and am thinking about declining the hep B shot they give newborns in the hospital until later. Of course, this causes quite a stink because that's just how things are done in hospitals.
So please give my your comments and opinions on these issues. I’m curious what other people think about them. I don't want to get caught up in any sensationalism and want to be wise in our decisions. What concerns you? How do you cope?
It all started at Wilder's birth. I think it's common for women to start thinking about these things when they have children. I think I have always been hardwired this way but now it just seems to just be surfacing. As I mentioned before I had a bad experience in the hospital with his birth and my doctor that somehow indirectly pushed me to learn to question mainstream healthcare in general as the patient and to always think about all your options. First thing-antibiotics. Most doctors prescribe them instantly to cure whatever symptoms or infection. On the other hand, a holistic, natural approach is to treat beginning signs of infection naturally with whatever it may be (when I say naturally it could mean homeopathic medicine, herbs, diet, supplements, etc.). I had done some reading - usually what causes me trouble. too much reading, about antibiotics and why some people don't like them because they destroy good antibodies along with the bad which can weaken the immune system. Of course reading this I did not want to give Wilder any. But alas his first ear infection came and the doctor prescribed amoxicillin. The whole thing felt insensitive and wrong to me even though she was doing what she knew to do. I fretted but I gave it to him anyway because I knew he needed it. Mainly because it was too late to treat anything naturally - and what did I really know about treating something on my own naturally - I'm not a doctor. It's scary to go into a natural health store and look at all the products...actually it's overwhelming because it all looks so good but where do you start? For example, one natural health care professional I talked to recommended giving Wilder some probiotics after his rounds of antibiotics to replenish his system. Why didn't my pediatrician tell me that? This is the most frustrating thing - There are two extreme opposite opinions about everything and I'm usually somewhere in the middle trying to figure out what's best or necessary. I've learned the difference between natural healthcare and conventional. One treats symptoms and one is more focused on treating the body as a whole and preventing problems. Ok, so that's the first category - Medicine. I still give Wilder Tylenol when I need to and am reluctantly giving him his Rynatan the doctor prescribed for his allergies/runny nose.
Second category-food. I would like to feed Wilder everything organic, but let's face it, who can afford it? I do as much as I can but not all things. I read that the pesticides, hormones, etc in non-organic food are bad for babies and small children because their bodies are smaller and developing so rapidly. I went through a small period where I decided I would make all of Wilder's food- puree it, freeze it. Yikes, who has time to do that? Like I said, I do what I can but don't obsess over this one. The hard thing about this one is that I'm not the only one that feeds Wilder. You can imagine what kinds of problems this brings up.
This one is funny and is an example of how you should NOT believe everything you read on the internet. I had read that in Great Britain or somewhere over there a study had been done connecting SIDS to mattress toxicity.
Basically chemicals in the materials in mattresses combined with moisture from a baby form a hazardous gas that the baby inhales. I was prepared to go get the special plastic recommended and cover Wilder's mattress. Also mentioned was the occurrence of SIDS happening after immunizations because of fevers and sweating. Of course, Wilder had some shots the day I had read this so of course I could hardly get to sleep that night. Luckily, after talking to my rational husband he convinced me again, not to believe everything on the internet and that Wilder would be fine, so this one I got over.
So this leads me to immunizations - oh my goodness. This is such a controversial subject that trying to dig and find an answer is very hard and overwhelming. Some think immunizations are bad. For several reasons, mercury contained in the shots, possible reactions and side effects. And why are kids still getting shots for diseases that aren't even found in this country anymore? Are immunizations (and the drug industry for that matter) just a way to make more money? I went through a stressful time deciding whether or not go get Wilder his immunizations. He's had them all to this day. I'm still not 100% sure I'm doing the right thing when he gets them. I always ask the doctor what he's getting and why and that helps a little. Eeek.
I've recently spent the little extra money on natural bath soap for Wilder. They carry "California Baby" at Target now and I'm thrilled about that. To sum this one up, I read in a magazine (more reputable than the internet) that the FDA isn't required to standardize what goes into health and beauty products like they do food. So pretty much anything goes. A lot of the chemicals and ingredients used in health and beauty products in the US are banned in places like Europe. There is a cool site (cosmetic database) that tells you exactly what is in specific products and gives each product a risk rating based on the ingredients and the possibility that they can cause cancer, reactions, and whatever else. This is what I'm up against people!!
I worry about cancer and behavioral things like autism, ect. I think it's an obvious fact that cancer is more prevalent today than 50 years ago. Blake says it's because there are more people in the world, maybe he's right. But what if it's because of increased exposure to hazardous chemicals and just how dirty the world is getting?
Sigh. Cleaning products, yes. I try to clean as much as I can with vinegar and baking soda now. I told Blake I need a t-shirt that says I heart baking soda (obviously making fun of myself). I was so excited the other night in the shower I cleaned my shower, washed my hair and face with it (interesting) and it was good for the drain too. What an amazing product! I can't stand the idea of Wilder crawling on the floor after we use the swifter and the solution that comes with it. Antifreeze-like products can't be good. This leads me to probably one of my biggest pet peeves - everything that is good for you or the environment is expensive!!! Seriously, I understand why but if we're really serious about our well being and the condition of the environment why are these products so inaccessible? I did spend extra money to try the earth friendly dish detergent and clothes detergent from Wild Oats one time and the truth is they just don't work as well. People want their clothes and dishes clean, so what can you do? Blah Blah.
I'm sure you get the point by now. The list can go on, there is potential danger in almost everything right. I need to wrap this up because I hear a baby stirrin. Please excuse the messy grammar, I was in a hurry!
So where does my faith come in? Where does God fall into all of this? I have to trust Him. I admit I don’t as much as I should. I let fear take over and I know fear is not from God. At times I find peace knowing He is ultimately in control – has control over our bodies and everything else, but sometimes it's not enough. I need prayers to accept grace. I know that the world is not perfect and we cannot shield ourselves from every potentially scary or hazardous thing. The line I’m constantly trying to find is trusting my instinct AND trusting God. I need prayers for wisdom. Especially with a new baby coming. I want peace.
Now I am thinking in these terms for this pregnancy and new baby. One thing specifically, I really want to be able to breastfeed this baby. I had mastitis (breast infection) twice with Wilder and basically gave up after a couple of months. I have asked my doctor what I can do to prevent this from happening again and he says “keep the breast clean an empty”. I need more than that! I’ve read that some women are just more prone to getting them and have read about some preventative measures that I’m working on getting more information and finding some local support groups. I think most importantly I just need prayers that everything will work this time! I also have some stress about hospital procedures and am thinking about declining the hep B shot they give newborns in the hospital until later. Of course, this causes quite a stink because that's just how things are done in hospitals.
So please give my your comments and opinions on these issues. I’m curious what other people think about them. I don't want to get caught up in any sensationalism and want to be wise in our decisions. What concerns you? How do you cope?
Wednesday, August 15
You are no longer a little baby you are definitely a little boy...all that is boy. You don't get excited about giving me kisses, you hate having your face wiped, you aren't too crazy about snuggling, and you LOVE to be outside, not to mention you never stop moving. When I think about August 16th one year ago I have bitter sweet memories because of all the dificulties that came with your arrival. None of it matters now because the blessing you are overshadows any painful memories. Although, I do believe everything happens for a reason and difficult times do make us stronger. The experience I had with your birth has caused me to hopefully be a better mother. I learned not to take everything for granted and to question what and how is really the best way to take care of you and to trust my instincts as a mother.
We are amazed by you every day. Still amazed that you are ours and God created such a beautiful little boy. You are curious, determined, forgiving, silly, strong, sweet, fearless, and at times incredibly frustrating. It brings me such joy and satisfaction to take care of you. I want what's best for you in all things, I try my best to provide it for you whatever it is (almost to the point of driving my self crazy worring about the little things). I've had to realize that I can't protect you from everything in this world but I can take comfort in the fact that your Heavenly Father loves you more than I do and provides plenty of grace where I or the world falls short.
You have changed me, tested me. I never new I could be so tired, I've found patience I didn't know I had, I've also regretted not being patient enough with you at times. You are constantly finding ways to steal my heart and make me fall even more in love with you. Ooh how I love that little pointer finger of yours. Constantly pointing at new things and saying your word for everything "Dah". I look forward to watching you grow and to see the individual you continue to become.
You are my precious ONE sweet Wilder. Happy first birthday.
Love mom
Tuesday, August 7
Sunday, August 5
Well here it is, a pic of my 6.5 mos belly! We went to the park last week and took some family photos. Mainly for Wilder's one year photo but my friend insisted on getting some of me and Blake too. Anyway, time is going fast and I know our new baby girl will be here before we know it. So far, few preparations have been made...in my mind I'm getting past Wilder's birthday party first plus there is all the busyness of trying to find a job right now. Speaking of that, I went to Oklahoma City on Friday for my interview with the state panel for my certification. It went really well, I met with two ladies that were moms themselves so we hit it off immediately. They said they would recommend me to the state for my certification. So now all I have to do is wait for my letter then certification in the mail. I can't believe how fast all this has happened, it seems like everything has gone so smoothly. I'm hoping that it is just verification that this is what God wants for me and our family. We're still hoping for the small possibility that I get a job this fall.
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