It's my party...

I asked Blake tonight, are 4 year olds fragile or is our boy just fragile? He said a little of both but Wilder is just tenderhearted. I'm trying not to feel like the worst mom in the world because Wilder cried three times at his party! I was reassured that it's bound to happen and that it's a sign of a successful party. I planned some balloon games to play. I didn't think about how loud balloons are when they're popped. The first game all the kids had balloons tied around their ankles and the goal was to chase each other and pop somebody else's balloon without yours being popped. This was a hit until Wilder's balloon got popped and it broke his little heart. Then we played a game where the kids had to pop the balloons with their bottoms to get the candy out. The popping scared the bageebies out of Wilder. Funny how the babies didn't seem to care. Anyway, I felt bad. I just wanted him to have so much fun. Tonight at home I was telling Wilder I was sorry he was upset during the games. He told me to never play those games again, and to play games he liked like tag, and hide and seek. Duh, mom. Sigh.

The third time he cried was during the cutting of the cake. He did not want me to cut through his name. We barely had enough cake for everyone so I started to cut into it anyway. He went hysterical! So I managed to keep it. I guess he can eat it Monday on his actual birthday. I thought is was cute how he covered his ears when we sang to him. I think he was a little embarassed by all the attention.

Overall, think Wilder had a good day. He was so cute helping me get ready for the party. He helped with the cake and filled the treat bags. He was so thoughtful to put treats that he knew each person would like specifically.

Oh my sweet 4 year old. You are: smart, silly, thoughtful, specific, tender, creative, energetic, loving, stubborn, impatient...mine.

I love you Wilder Blake.

Grandmother

i just miss her. so much. already.

there is nothing like losing a loved one to make you appreciate life. makes life feel really short. makes me want to be more open and honest with those close to me. of course there are things i wish i would have said to her. it doesn't seem possible that i was talking to her in her chair a week before she passed. i wanted to tell her thank you for loving me so well. for always making me feel special and valued. for how comforted i felt when i was with her. i wanted to tell her how beautiful i thought she was. even the last time i saw her, two days before she passed, her eyes were beautiful. the same eyes that stand out to me in her childhood photos.

a few things i will miss:
receiving cards with her handwriting in the mail.
being able to call her
hearing her say "now then" after she makes something better
everything about her house
her cooking
her hugs and kisses
her goody bags of whatever was on sale at the grocery store. usually a random assortment of things.

things that will remind me of her:
cantaloupe. a staple at her house.
the smell of noxema. i remember her rubbing it on our sunburns when we were at the lake together.

in addition to my husband she was the most selfless person i know. even two days before she passed she was trying to make arrangements for all those who were coming to visit her to have lunch. She was also signing birthday cards for the remainder of the year. she always made me want to be a better person. i hope people will be able to say the same about me.

now that she is gone i feel closer to God, Heaven, knowing she is there.

Just Stay Cool

"Gwyn, open your eyes for me"


It's nice living only a few miles from a public swimming pool! Today we needed to get the kids out of the house - fast, so we headed up to Chandler Park. We had a good time despite the grossies that come with public swimming pools. Is there anything more gross than wet toilet paper?

How about my new main photo? This is what happens when you don't supervise the sprinkling of the sprinkles. I saw this idea in a magazine for watermelon cookies (the white stuff is yogurt). They may have been ok if the sprinkles plus the juice hadn't created cosmic goo. Oh well, this is the same magazine that convinced me that if I made Wilder and Gwyn a "reward jar" that they would pick up toys without me nagging them just so they could get more marbles in their jar to eventually earn a reward. Ahem, still waiting for that.

4 more weeks until school. I'm getting there. There meaning mentally in a place that if feels doable. Planning has begun. I'm trying to do everything I can to make it as easy as possible. I'm so thankful to have a job. It feels like God wanted me to have this job so with that I feel like everything will work out...if I let Him help me. That's the hard part for me.

Oh, Adalyn is in her 9th week now! She is so wonderful!

Happy I got a few new photos on the blog! More updates soon including photos of my latest rummage find!

How to prevent a sleepless night hangover...

...on a day when you're by yourself with two toddlers and a newborn.
Preface. Adalyn is a good baby. She's pretty easy going, however, as most babies do, she has a fussy time. Hers happens to be from about 2-5am. It's a dark, ugly time of night for me. There have been a few nights I've felt miserable having no idea how I'll face the day, then after a couple hours of sleep between 4 and 6 a little part of me wakes up thinking "Ok, I can do this. I can get up and have a good attitude." Some mornings are easier than others. For those particularly difficult mornings here are a few sobering tips that helped me get over the hump and not be grumpy.

1. Make homemade blueberry pancakes for the very first time since your baby was born. (they're pretty regular at our house) Granted you will have to have enough patience for your 3 year old to help and probably have to wear the baby in your sling at some point. Once made, eat as many as you possibly can. Tell yourself it's ok and you need the calories because serving as an open-all-night-all-you-can-eat-milk-buffet is hard work.

2. Get outside. Walk the kids to the playground and get a high dosage of sun and laughter. Warning: the heat may seem a little overwhelming because of the added heat of the two warm milk jugs you're wearing under your shirt - don't let this keep you from having a good time. Maybe I can just sweat off some baby weight. The warm breezes seemed to be a natural sedative for Adalyn, so she was perfectly content in her stroller. I was really able to play and focus on Wilder and Gwyn, which has been difficult since Adalyn's been home. Wilder found this particularly refreshing I think. He said at one point, "we're having a nice day aren't we mommy" I think he was craving the interaction. Sidenote: What would you do if your 3 year old told you he had to poo-poo and couldn't hold it long enough to walk back to the house? Which is more disgusting, having him go in his pants or squat in the grass?

3. Smell and cuddle your baby. I don't think I'll ever get tired of feeling Adalyn's sweet face next to mine. And I mean really smell her. Put your nose right behind her ear and breath in deep that earthy, sweet, sour milk sort of smell. Ahhh

4. Bribe your kids with candy to stay in their beds for 30 minutes so you can get a power nap. The only way this one can be foolproof is if you tell your toddler that there is NO MORE CANDY. Otherwise, 10 minutes into your nap as you're dozing off you'll hear "mommy, I gotta ask you something" requesting more candy. Oh well, it was a good attempt!

5. Remember the simple fact that your new baby is a GIFT and you are blessed to be taking care of her. I would much rather be taking care of her in the middle of the night than NOT be taking care of her, right?

Favorites

Today Blake and I are celebrating our 7 year anniversary. Ok, so not much happening in the way of actual celebrating. Anybody want to babysit two toddlers and a 3 week old? :) However, we do have a lot to be proud of and thankful for. I couldn't be happier and am so lucky to be married to such a wonderful husband and father. I love you honey, we have accomplished so much in our short 7 years, it hasn't always been easy but we are blessed beyond measure!

There is so much I want to say about Adalyn's birth, summer break, and becoming a family of 5, eventually. For now, here are a few of my favorite recent snapshots.

I think I'm in love, again.

Adalyn Jane Collins was born at 2:02 on May 16th. I'm overwhelmed with love and adoration. Sad that I'm not pregnant anymore (and will never again be) and by the realization that Wilder and Gwyneth aren't babies anymore!

I like this job

Happy Mother's Day!

39 week belly

Just so I won't forget!

Taken at my baby shower. Me, mom, grandmother, and aunt Sheila.

Patiently Waiting

So twelve more days until my due date. It's hard to beleive I've made it to a point that I'm actually prepared for this little baby to come. Folded, clean, newborn clothes, a clean house, nursing accessories, I even have a new boppy and fancy new bedding for our not so fancy crib! Two weeks ago I was dialated to a 3-4 and 70% effaced. This created a lot of histeria that I might go into labor anytime. So much that I had my party at work the next day instead of like 5 days later and lots of teachers and students asking "you're still here?" I did actually have a false labor shortly after that check that got us moving and our bags packed. Since then I've felt great, no contractions just a growing belly. So for my last appointment I decided to not have the doctor check me. I didn't want any false hope. So anytime you want to come little girl we're ready. I can't wait to see your little face. To see how you, the last piece to our family puzzle, will fit in.

How Many Funny Things Can You Find In The Above Photo?

Welcome Spring

and all that you bring!

Please Help

I knew it might be a little bit of a challenge going back to work after a week home with the kids. Tonight at bedtime I told Wilder I had to go back to work tomorrow. What proceeded was me attempting to explain to a 3 year old why I had to go to work. "But we already have new clothes and a house and lots of money." Then, yes, he said it..."why don't you love me anymore?" I about cried. I'm curious what has worked for other working moms in helping little ones understand.

Spring Break

Overall I think Spring Break was a success. Of course we didn't accomplish all that we imagined we would, but is that ever the case? We made a little room for baby with some Spring cleaning, spent tons of time with the kids, spent too much money on a trip to OKC, and recharged our batteries for the weeks ahead. The next 8 weeks are going to be crazy busy and stressful. But, as my friend Tasha so optimistically stated, after they're over we'll have a new baby girl to fall in love with and a teenage-free summer.

I thought I'd post this photo of Gwyn because she thought it was hilarious. She will NOT sit on the potty. She will simply say "I already did." However, pair a bare bottom and an empty bucket and she will ask you about 10 times to "take one more picture of me." Oh, my stubborn, sweet, soon-to-be-middle-child, how I love you. I just hope your little sister is like your brother.

I think they understand

I had a conversation with Wilder and Gwyn tonight that was just too precious to risk forgetting. It was the most intense and lengthy conversation we've had yet about our new baby coming. I asked Wilder where our new baby was going to sleep when she got here. Of course he said his bed so he could love her. This then opened up a huge discussion of what we're going to do with the new baby when she gets here. We went through everything from bathing, feeding, to showing her all of his new toys. Gwyn chimed in now and then, I think she really understood. At one point they were both showing me how babies crawl so that they could teach her to crawl. The sweetest was when Wilder said we have to snuggle her on the couch and give her lots of hugs. I think I'm just dumbfounded at how smart Wilder is becoming lately. He understands so much now. His curiosity and sincerety never fail to make my heart be still just for a moment. I know he is going to be an incredible, loving, protective big brother who will love taking care of both of his little sisters.

30 weeks!

Well the March issue of Tulsa Kids came out this week! Pretty fun to see our little family in print. Here's a link to the Tulsa Kids Website. There's a little photo of us and you can read the story. My friend Holly Wall wrote the story about VBAC's (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, what I had with Gwyneth). Hopefully the story will be helpful and a few more women will realize that VBAC is an option!

I am 30 weeks today! I'm realizing it's time to start thinking and preparing to actually give birth to this baby. I ordered some books from the library to get myself inspired for natural childbirth once again. I'm confident and nervous!

I need losts of grace to get through the end of this school year. My tolerance level has been pretty low this week. Doesn't seem like there is much of a differnce between dealing with 14 and 15 year olds and coming home and dealing with my 2 and 3 year old! If I can just get past April 6th I think I'll survive. The 6th is the date for our school plays we're working on...you are all invited!



Come Spring come!

Sunday Evening

A friend at church gave me this poem today. Written by a jewelry artist she loves. I think I loved it because I related to almost all of it!

I love my life.
I love what I do.
I am a Leo. (or a Gemini)

I am obsessive.
I am shy.
I am strength.

I love coffee.
I can't be without my designer boots. (or new retro New Balance tennis shoes)
I am at peace when I can hear the water and feel the wind.

I am socially awkward.
I love to observe.
I believe in balance, patience, and what lies ahead.
I recycle.

I work hard and give everything
to my family and career.
I love being a mommy.
I am learning as I go.

It has been a journey for me
and I am thankful for every tear
and every laugh.
My family and friends are beautiful.
My husband is my rock.
I am in love.

I create from the heart.
Sometimes it works and sometiems it doesn't.
I dedicate my line to the enormity of
(I may need to think how to adapt this last line specifically)

Other weekend highlights:
Weekend Highlights!
-My house is in much better shape than it was Friday night.
-Celebrated my mom's birthday at my grandmother's house. Hence, got to see my grandmother and the rest of the family.
-Spent some quality time painting, cutting, gluing, and playing with Wilder and Gwyn this afternoon.

Sweet

Just had a great lunch with mom and dad. Wilder and Gwyn have enjoyed Valentine's Day. Wilder keeps saying "Happy New Year" instead. Of all holidays I guess New Years made a lasting impression! Mom made a super yummy cheesecake for Valentines Day. I, with no shame, asked for a second piece. Nobody else did. This sweet craving is getting out of control. Blake has been buying chocolate candy for our Sunday school class we're teaching. Needless to say he's had to rebuy some because of my candy habit. Last week I told him to hide the bag from me. I found it in Roy's dogfood tub. Gross. I didn't think the kids would appreciate smelly dog food candy so I exercised some self control and put it in the pantry.

We get another ultrasound tommorow. Maybe I can post some pictures of the baby and my quickly growing belly. A little discouraging to think I have three more months and my shirts are getting to small already.

Our fridge died this week. Because of it our house smells like rotten fish. I guess it stayed thawed out in the freezer too long and after scrubbing it, it still smells. On the night we threw out all the food and Blake headed for the grocery store I had to be a little creative on what to feed the kids for dinner. We made what I called "peanut butter cookie oatmeal". Not bad. Pb, sugar, butter, raisins, and oatmeal. Wilder also ate practically a whole avacado with it. Gwyn ate cheetos.

I don't know why but I have become much more relaxed about what goes into my kiddos and my body lately. During this whole pregnancy really. It seems less significant than in times past. Maybe I realize there's bigger things to worry about? We'll see how long it lasts.

I took Wilder and Gwyn to the museum yesterday for free second saturday. I love this program. The kids had a great time and really enjoy the activities. Yesterday they made paper mobiles which they drug over the whole museum and outside garden. I had to staple them about 100 times back together last night. Each time you go they give the kiddos a free art supply. We got watercolor markers yesterday that we haven't tried yet. As we were leaving our friend was on her way to paint with her daughter. We had already been there for 2 hours and needed to go to the grocery store so I made Wilder leave despite the cries of "I want to paint!" What did I do? I coaxed him out of the museum with the promise of ice cream. Ok, so I wanted some too.

So at the grocery store I was lucky to find a front row parking place. On the way out I was taking a long time to pull out because I was handing out peanut butter whoppers - see I'm out of control. (actually Wilder ordered a pineapple shake at Sonic and didn't like it and was upset so I told him I'd get him some candy inside the store). Anyway, apparently I was taking a really long time and there was a man in a truck waiting for my parking spot. He honked to get my attention. Does anyone else think this is rude? So as I was pulling out I honked back. Then he flipped me the bird. How rude. Really, to a pregnant lady with two kids? He could have found another spot and have walked in to the store with all the time he waited. Lazy jerk!

Geez, it is STILL snowing!

I'm starting to feel like our snow day was a little more justified. So far, it's been about the perfect day. I don't remember the last time both Gwyn and Wilder were taking naps at the same time. I've been taking care of little things at home like nagging chores. I might actually do some painting tonight. Last night I wasted too many brain cells on two hours of American Idol catch up, so feeling the need to be a little productive!

I made an effort to check my facebook page today. Arrgg, my computer will not let me share. Oh well, to all you "friends" that have left comments or sent friend requests - it's not personal!