Saturday, September 18
Today I had the pleasure of spending a little time garage-selling at a neighborhood wide sale-a-thon. In addition to finding things for the kids, I found a few treasures for me: retro dishes from which I plan to have cereal and coffee, a vintage ceramic owl (see pic), and a ceramic dove plant holder. I was thinking about a few of my collections that have unofficially evolved (to name a few): milk glass, even if it's fake I love it, ceramic doves, including a set of my grandmother's, & sewing things. This one is funny because I don't sew. Today I brought home my grandmother's sewing box from the garage sale. In it were zippers, patterns, ricrac, crochet things, string, buttons, old patterns, fabric and ribbon remnants. Oh the crafts that could come out of these little things. I will have time to make you some day. (I heart button rings!) For now, I am happy having this little pink box and all of it's wonderfully musty smelling contents on a shelf in my closet.
I often wander why I am so attracted to things from the past. I feel like I was born with a natural tendency to go backwards rather than forward like a normal person. Maybe it seems like a simpler time. Maybe a domestic lifestyle that I crave. Maybe I feel like I'm preserving something I don't want to be lost.
It is sort of ridiculous how many things of my grandmother's I have now in my home. I am missing her terribly today. My mom brought us all of the food from her pantry this week. Having her canned goods in my pantry is strangely comforting. Maybe if I cook with her food and use her bowls it will taste like her cooking, like her goulash I've never been able to make as well? There is another reason I'm missing her today. In her life there was a period in her life that she raised 4 children by herself. I've been thinking about this lately as I'm feeling extremely suffocated working with my three. And I'm married and have a wonderful husband. I can't imagine doing it on my own. Thinking about what she endured makes me want to keep on, or at least try to have a good attitude. I'm sad that she's not here to call when I'm really tired, just to hear her say it will get easier.
I need help being a better mom on Saturday. Today I was short with my kids too many times. Luckily they are quick to forgive me when I apologize. Just a little time right now not to be Mrs. Collins or mommy would be beneficial, I do believe.
Just one adorable thing about Adalyn: She has started sucking her thumb. Pretty darn cute.
My brother left Iraq today. Have a safe trip home brother.
I think maybe we have a ghost in our house. The floor has creaked three times since I've been writing this post.
Pandora, vanilla caramel tea (from grandmother's pantry), a dark room with the window open, some time to process, and a sleeping baby that I'm about to join. Good therapy.