Tonight required an emergency trip for ice cream. Did I say in my last post that Wilder was pleasant?...I meant most of the time. He definitely got on my last nerve tonight. It was just him and I and I was trying to cook dinner, he was over tired from the day and well the rest just went downhill from there. At one point there was spilled milk. I decided to try to put him to bed early for his sanity and mine and that didn't go over well. Blake came home and got him out of bed and we went for a walk and he fell asleep. Then a chocolate mix with cherries to which I credit my current stomach ache.

Anyway, kinda random, I thought I would post a few things we need. I'm getting ready to start looking at garage sales and resale shops for these things but I thought it might help if friends and family kept their eyes open too, couldn't hurt.

1. A computer desk, currently I am sitting on the floor in our bedroom writing this post, not too comfortable for a pregnant lady. We sold our big desk tomake room in the office for the new nursery so we need a small desk for our bedroom.
2. A baby sling. I am wanting to try a different kind with this little girl. I want the one piece kind that drapes over your shoulder, no straps. There are a few specific brands that I know of but I am open to anything tht will work.
3. A baby play yard! You know the ones that look like baby gates. I could have used one tonight. I am going to have to have one when the new baby comes and I'd like to get Wilder somewhat used to it before she comes.
4. A glider. I was anti glider with Wilder because I thought they were ugly. So I went with a hard rocking chair. I'm definietly into comfort now. They can be expensive so a nicely used one may work.
5. Maybe another crib and/or a toddler bed...not sure how this will all work out yet!

Also, a follow up on the teaching front. I received my certification in the mail yesterday. Feels good to know that I am set to teach when the right thing comes available. I am ok with not having a job this fall. I have to believe that God knew it was more than we could probably handle with a new baby. So possibly the Spring or Fall. There will be a position opening up in Owasso that Blake knows of next year so there is some potential there. If we both work in Owasso we will probably have to move a little closer. I will just have to hang in there at my current job. It's pretty bad, I've been at Urban Tulsa for about 2 years now and am a little tired to say the least of building ads for....hmmm bars and adult clubs (ok that 's not all I do but it still gets old). Also, somewhat beside the point here, we got a letter in the mail saying they're going to build a huge mine in the woods right behind our house! yikes. can you say decrease in property value? Who knows, maybe we'll move sooner than we think.

Sweet dreams everyone.

Wilder's birthday photos...and...

I felt the need to announce that I am feeling better and not so overwhelmed today! Thank you all for your good comments to my last post. Ultimately, I feel peace in trusting God and feel good knowing I can only do so much to keep my family safe and healthy and that I have to trust God for the rest.

So, yes, today was a good day. Wilder and I hung out all day. We went to the park and played for a while, it was nice there was nobody there but us. I am trying to really cherish the time we have together now just him and I knowing our lives are about to change. It's been hard being this pregnant and keeping up with him but he's worth it! I'm amazed at how pleasant he is and I love watching him play and discover new things and the expression on his face when he is so proud of himself. I felt like God was telling me to just be quiet and enjoy the blessings He's given me today, to focus on what is most important and to take time to rest. This peace was nice in comaprison to yesterday when my brain was running a hundred miles per hour thinking about all the issues I mentioned in my last post.

Meanwhile I am 30 weeks this week. Our little girl is coming soon. Still seems unreal that I will have two children. What will a girl be like? I am a little nervous about managing everything once she's here but I also feel confident that the last year has prepared me to handle whatever comes our way and that I will be able to really enjoy having her here. I almost went to a mommy meeting with a friend today and the topic was "How to manages stress as a new mom" or something like that. At first I thought I might benefit from it but ultimately I think I already know the answer. I need to pray more. I'm serious. I know it's that simple. I know I need to trust God more and depend on him for more things and the only way to do that is through a stronger prayer relationship. To be honest, I dont' really know how to make this happen. Since Wilder was born my prayer life has become really inconsistent and usually is just a few thoughts here and there. I must say though, surprisingly I don't really feel like God is distant, I know He has given me lots of grace this past year and am thankful He knows my thoughts without me having to tell him. I'm curious though, how do you find time to pray? What is your prayer life like? I am aware of the power of prayer and how life changing it can be, I want to make that more of a reality in my life again. So if anyone wants to share their experiences or what works for them I'm listening.

I've wanted to post this for a while. I have a problem. You may think all this sounds futile and silly, that this could cause me this much anxiety, but the reality is, lately it does. What is this problem you ask? Basically I've become an enthusiast for all things natural. Food, cleaning products, health and beauty, healthcare, mothering,...you name it. Why do I say this is a problem? This is a problem for me because it can get to the point sometimes that I wear myself out thinking about these things, I worry. Let me explain.

It all started at Wilder's birth. I think it's common for women to start thinking about these things when they have children. I think I have always been hardwired this way but now it just seems to just be surfacing. As I mentioned before I had a bad experience in the hospital with his birth and my doctor that somehow indirectly pushed me to learn to question mainstream healthcare in general as the patient and to always think about all your options. First thing-antibiotics. Most doctors prescribe them instantly to cure whatever symptoms or infection. On the other hand, a holistic, natural approach is to treat beginning signs of infection naturally with whatever it may be (when I say naturally it could mean homeopathic medicine, herbs, diet, supplements, etc.). I had done some reading - usually what causes me trouble. too much reading, about antibiotics and why some people don't like them because they destroy good antibodies along with the bad which can weaken the immune system. Of course reading this I did not want to give Wilder any. But alas his first ear infection came and the doctor prescribed amoxicillin. The whole thing felt insensitive and wrong to me even though she was doing what she knew to do. I fretted but I gave it to him anyway because I knew he needed it. Mainly because it was too late to treat anything naturally - and what did I really know about treating something on my own naturally - I'm not a doctor. It's scary to go into a natural health store and look at all the products...actually it's overwhelming because it all looks so good but where do you start? For example, one natural health care professional I talked to recommended giving Wilder some probiotics after his rounds of antibiotics to replenish his system. Why didn't my pediatrician tell me that? This is the most frustrating thing - There are two extreme opposite opinions about everything and I'm usually somewhere in the middle trying to figure out what's best or necessary. I've learned the difference between natural healthcare and conventional. One treats symptoms and one is more focused on treating the body as a whole and preventing problems. Ok, so that's the first category - Medicine. I still give Wilder Tylenol when I need to and am reluctantly giving him his Rynatan the doctor prescribed for his allergies/runny nose.

Second category-food. I would like to feed Wilder everything organic, but let's face it, who can afford it? I do as much as I can but not all things. I read that the pesticides, hormones, etc in non-organic food are bad for babies and small children because their bodies are smaller and developing so rapidly. I went through a small period where I decided I would make all of Wilder's food- puree it, freeze it. Yikes, who has time to do that? Like I said, I do what I can but don't obsess over this one. The hard thing about this one is that I'm not the only one that feeds Wilder. You can imagine what kinds of problems this brings up.

This one is funny and is an example of how you should NOT believe everything you read on the internet. I had read that in Great Britain or somewhere over there a study had been done connecting SIDS to mattress toxicity.
Basically chemicals in the materials in mattresses combined with moisture from a baby form a hazardous gas that the baby inhales. I was prepared to go get the special plastic recommended and cover Wilder's mattress. Also mentioned was the occurrence of SIDS happening after immunizations because of fevers and sweating. Of course, Wilder had some shots the day I had read this so of course I could hardly get to sleep that night. Luckily, after talking to my rational husband he convinced me again, not to believe everything on the internet and that Wilder would be fine, so this one I got over.

So this leads me to immunizations - oh my goodness. This is such a controversial subject that trying to dig and find an answer is very hard and overwhelming. Some think immunizations are bad. For several reasons, mercury contained in the shots, possible reactions and side effects. And why are kids still getting shots for diseases that aren't even found in this country anymore? Are immunizations (and the drug industry for that matter) just a way to make more money? I went through a stressful time deciding whether or not go get Wilder his immunizations. He's had them all to this day. I'm still not 100% sure I'm doing the right thing when he gets them. I always ask the doctor what he's getting and why and that helps a little. Eeek.

I've recently spent the little extra money on natural bath soap for Wilder. They carry "California Baby" at Target now and I'm thrilled about that. To sum this one up, I read in a magazine (more reputable than the internet) that the FDA isn't required to standardize what goes into health and beauty products like they do food. So pretty much anything goes. A lot of the chemicals and ingredients used in health and beauty products in the US are banned in places like Europe. There is a cool site (cosmetic database) that tells you exactly what is in specific products and gives each product a risk rating based on the ingredients and the possibility that they can cause cancer, reactions, and whatever else. This is what I'm up against people!!

I worry about cancer and behavioral things like autism, ect. I think it's an obvious fact that cancer is more prevalent today than 50 years ago. Blake says it's because there are more people in the world, maybe he's right. But what if it's because of increased exposure to hazardous chemicals and just how dirty the world is getting?

Sigh. Cleaning products, yes. I try to clean as much as I can with vinegar and baking soda now. I told Blake I need a t-shirt that says I heart baking soda (obviously making fun of myself). I was so excited the other night in the shower I cleaned my shower, washed my hair and face with it (interesting) and it was good for the drain too. What an amazing product! I can't stand the idea of Wilder crawling on the floor after we use the swifter and the solution that comes with it. Antifreeze-like products can't be good. This leads me to probably one of my biggest pet peeves - everything that is good for you or the environment is expensive!!! Seriously, I understand why but if we're really serious about our well being and the condition of the environment why are these products so inaccessible? I did spend extra money to try the earth friendly dish detergent and clothes detergent from Wild Oats one time and the truth is they just don't work as well. People want their clothes and dishes clean, so what can you do? Blah Blah.

I'm sure you get the point by now. The list can go on, there is potential danger in almost everything right. I need to wrap this up because I hear a baby stirrin. Please excuse the messy grammar, I was in a hurry!

So where does my faith come in? Where does God fall into all of this? I have to trust Him. I admit I don’t as much as I should. I let fear take over and I know fear is not from God. At times I find peace knowing He is ultimately in control – has control over our bodies and everything else, but sometimes it's not enough. I need prayers to accept grace. I know that the world is not perfect and we cannot shield ourselves from every potentially scary or hazardous thing. The line I’m constantly trying to find is trusting my instinct AND trusting God. I need prayers for wisdom. Especially with a new baby coming. I want peace.

Now I am thinking in these terms for this pregnancy and new baby. One thing specifically, I really want to be able to breastfeed this baby. I had mastitis (breast infection) twice with Wilder and basically gave up after a couple of months. I have asked my doctor what I can do to prevent this from happening again and he says “keep the breast clean an empty”. I need more than that! I’ve read that some women are just more prone to getting them and have read about some preventative measures that I’m working on getting more information and finding some local support groups. I think most importantly I just need prayers that everything will work this time! I also have some stress about hospital procedures and am thinking about declining the hep B shot they give newborns in the hospital until later. Of course, this causes quite a stink because that's just how things are done in hospitals.

So please give my your comments and opinions on these issues. I’m curious what other people think about them. I don't want to get caught up in any sensationalism and want to be wise in our decisions. What concerns you? How do you cope?

You are no longer a little baby you are definitely a little boy...all that is boy. You don't get excited about giving me kisses, you hate having your face wiped, you aren't too crazy about snuggling, and you LOVE to be outside, not to mention you never stop moving. When I think about August 16th one year ago I have bitter sweet memories because of all the dificulties that came with your arrival. None of it matters now because the blessing you are overshadows any painful memories. Although, I do believe everything happens for a reason and difficult times do make us stronger. The experience I had with your birth has caused me to hopefully be a better mother. I learned not to take everything for granted and to question what and how is really the best way to take care of you and to trust my instincts as a mother.

We are amazed by you every day. Still amazed that you are ours and God created such a beautiful little boy. You are curious, determined, forgiving, silly, strong, sweet, fearless, and at times incredibly frustrating. It brings me such joy and satisfaction to take care of you. I want what's best for you in all things, I try my best to provide it for you whatever it is (almost to the point of driving my self crazy worring about the little things). I've had to realize that I can't protect you from everything in this world but I can take comfort in the fact that your Heavenly Father loves you more than I do and provides plenty of grace where I or the world falls short.

You have changed me, tested me. I never new I could be so tired, I've found patience I didn't know I had, I've also regretted not being patient enough with you at times. You are constantly finding ways to steal my heart and make me fall even more in love with you. Ooh how I love that little pointer finger of yours. Constantly pointing at new things and saying your word for everything "Dah". I look forward to watching you grow and to see the individual you continue to become.

You are my precious ONE sweet Wilder. Happy first birthday.
Love mom

I guess sometimes food is just meant to be played with.

Well here it is, a pic of my 6.5 mos belly! We went to the park last week and took some family photos. Mainly for Wilder's one year photo but my friend insisted on getting some of me and Blake too. Anyway, time is going fast and I know our new baby girl will be here before we know it. So far, few preparations have been made...in my mind I'm getting past Wilder's birthday party first plus there is all the busyness of trying to find a job right now. Speaking of that, I went to Oklahoma City on Friday for my interview with the state panel for my certification. It went really well, I met with two ladies that were moms themselves so we hit it off immediately. They said they would recommend me to the state for my certification. So now all I have to do is wait for my letter then certification in the mail. I can't believe how fast all this has happened, it seems like everything has gone so smoothly. I'm hoping that it is just verification that this is what God wants for me and our family. We're still hoping for the small possibility that I get a job this fall.