Grandmother

i just miss her. so much. already.

there is nothing like losing a loved one to make you appreciate life. makes life feel really short. makes me want to be more open and honest with those close to me. of course there are things i wish i would have said to her. it doesn't seem possible that i was talking to her in her chair a week before she passed. i wanted to tell her thank you for loving me so well. for always making me feel special and valued. for how comforted i felt when i was with her. i wanted to tell her how beautiful i thought she was. even the last time i saw her, two days before she passed, her eyes were beautiful. the same eyes that stand out to me in her childhood photos.

a few things i will miss:
receiving cards with her handwriting in the mail.
being able to call her
hearing her say "now then" after she makes something better
everything about her house
her cooking
her hugs and kisses
her goody bags of whatever was on sale at the grocery store. usually a random assortment of things.

things that will remind me of her:
cantaloupe. a staple at her house.
the smell of noxema. i remember her rubbing it on our sunburns when we were at the lake together.

in addition to my husband she was the most selfless person i know. even two days before she passed she was trying to make arrangements for all those who were coming to visit her to have lunch. She was also signing birthday cards for the remainder of the year. she always made me want to be a better person. i hope people will be able to say the same about me.

now that she is gone i feel closer to God, Heaven, knowing she is there.