BLUEBERRY PANCAKES AND GIRL SCOUT COOKIES
are what I had for dinner. I don't know which comes first...I'm feeling bad so I eat bad or I eat bad which makes me feel bad. Well whichever the case I fell off the wagon this weekend for my goal of swimsuit friendly body by June. We were out of grocery money this weekend so we used a Fudruckers gift card from Christmas Friday night followed by cookies on Saturday brought by our friends, grandma's chocolate zuchinni cake, donuts for breakfast on the way to church and last but not least those darn Girlscout cookies. Wow right.
Whew, what a weekend. Grumpy, very grumpy. I don't know why but it seems that about every two weeks or so I go through about 2 or 3 days where I'm just mad. MAD. On edge, hormonal, whatever you want to call it. I guess I just get weary I suppose. I could ramble on about the weekend but it all comes down to one thing - PARENTING IS HARD and i don't really feel like I'm doing a very good job lately, like I'm not really cut out for it sometimes. I feel like it's OK to admit that because I know everyone struggles. And also, being poor sucks. I'm ready to fuss about that too. I've held the motto "livin' on love" close for a couple of years now and most of the time it works and I'm ok with not ever having anything new...but love only goes so far people! As Blake has started saying "I don't want love, I want money!" I'm tired of being tolerant, looking at the same sheets we've had since we've been married, not being able to pick up a prescription because we don't have $10,...you get the picture. A little bit of breathing room would be nice...c'mon teaching job. It will be OK, we've got good plans for this year, if we can just stick it out a little longer next year will be easier because we will have some debts payed off. Also I'm in that gross place where praying is hard. The longer I don't pray about anything the harder it is to start praying. I feel sorta like a disappointment to God I suppose for not making my faith a working faith, I know that's silly but it's true. I don't remember the last time I really got something out of church. Ok, it could be the distraction of babies, but I'm not doing anything to supplement at home that's for sure. So I guess all of this combined with still not the best sleep at night equals a not very happy momma sometimes.
Sorry to be so negative tonight. I'll probably regret this post in the morning. Off to bed...spring forward :(
4 comments:
Hang in there, your in a valley and although it sucks you'll come out of it soon! Girl Scout Cookies just help things along;) These moments are true for EVERYONE and it is sometimes nice to be able to 'let it out' and move on. Your a great mommy and you are cut out for such a job, even the best have bad days, weeks and even months(yuck!) Love you muches, come and visit and let my boys wear your little boy out;)
I like your gripes, it makes me feel closer to you. I know it probably sounds strange, but knowing that we share some of the same struggles, makes me feel "not so bad". Parenting is hard. Why didn't you tell me before I had Benjamin : )
I think you are a very good Mom and a good person. You have a very kind spirit.
Hang in there, I will pray for blue skies to come your way!
Your post made me cry, because after all these years, I still have those days/weeks/months. I totally understand the feeling of failure when I don't trust God and it's hard to pray. I heard about a book called "It Gets Better, and Other Lies We Tell New Mothers." I won't tell you it gets better, it just CHANGES and you learn to cope and even ENJOY some of it along the way. Hang in there.
Your blog sounds like my diary 30 years ago. I loved being a mom but sacrificing 24/7 is hard; even Jesus had some time to himself to pray. It would take me so long to focus to pray then someone would need me and I would lose it. This is a good time for aunts, grandmas, and parents to pray for you! (As I get older, I just remember the good old days!)
Aunt Janet
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