Random Thoughts

I had a sad realization that a great amount of my daily energy is spent trying to control other people's trips to the bathroom. At home, I'm practically dragging Wilder to the potty and in bizarre contrast, at school, I'm asked about a billion times a day by my students if they can go to the bathroom - much to my annoyance!! To make things worse, it seems pee smell has taken over my house as well. I can't do laudry fast enough to wash all the pee soaked sheets and underwear and cloth diapers. Not to mention all the pee that does not make it into the toilet in my bathroom now.

Feeling [and looking] more pregnant these days. Friday was the first day I really had any discomfort with cramps and such. Also, I think the hormones have made me a little irritable this weekend. I'll be 24 weeks this week. Doctor still thinks it's a girl. Wilder will randomely ask now in conversation what we're going to name the baby. It's pretty sweet. Having a new baby in May still feels sort of unreal. I can't get my mind around what this little person will be like. Time is going by so fast yet I'm not feeling panicked or the need to prepare much at this point. I DO know I want a Moby Wrap though! To all baby mommas out there, I think it's the perfect baby sling! I know, this is my opinion, not only is it great for wearing the baby in the house, but also so much nicer than toting a newborn around in public in a carrier when all the baby really wants is to be close to his momma!! I've been looking at baby slings and discovered the Moby last week. It's so comfortable for the mom (soft fabric) and very womb-like for the baby. You have both hands free and from what I hear the baby is very comfortable in it.

I'm falling more in love with Wilder and Gwyn every day. I'm understanding how my love matures as they do. Each little conversation they have with eachother is so precious to me. Sometimes I just can't get enough squeezes in one day. My happiness is so tied up in theirs. I miss them even being away one night. Wait, I probably should add my unhappiness too. Motherhood is not all rosy. This morning deep in dreamland I was awakened by little footsteps and Wilder standing at my bed at 6:11. On a Saturday. Then, ten minutes later Gwyn was in our bed. On a Saturday. Pregant lady needs her sleep. So I admit I wasn't the nicest as I was making pancakes at 6:45. Did I mention on a Saturday? The pancakes, btw, were made in outer space molds that I got from Williams and Sonoma. Really, I probaby wouldn't have been in the mood to make pancakes had it not been for the desire to try the new molds. I figured out why I couldn't get teh pancakes out of the molds when I realized I had the molds upside down. So the second batch was better. Also I used whole wheat flower. Ok, gross. I know it's healthier but I really didn't enjoy them as much as I could have. (and pancakes are high on my craving list right now).

Also, I am having a hard time lately with Wilder's OCD. I think it's just a toddler trait, I've even heard it's a first born trait. Sometimes he will absolutely refuse to eat or drink something because it was not prepared in the correct way. A certain number of books at night, a specific anything really. This coupled with the "I do it by myself" desire is pretty challenging at times. Especially when you're in a hurry.

School is satisfying. I was thinking the other day that in contrast with my old job, I don't feel like I'm wasting time anymore. I've come to terms with the fact that each day is a collection of little defeats and victories which is just part of being a teacher. You have no idea what a relief it is when the one student who is a thorn in my side is absent on a Friday. I do have plans now to attempt my first theatrical production on April 6th with my drama classes. Scary but exciting. Also on the school front, there is a strong possibilty that I won't have my job next year! Yep, Sand Springs is predicting a reduction in force due to budget cuts and little me on the bottom of the totem pole will be at high risk to be let go. So a lot of unknown on the horizon. We'll know more in about a month hopefully. At this point I'm really not freaking out. I have a feeling that everything will be as it should.

Good night everyone, I've got some American Idol to catch up on! (and Lost starts in two weeks people, it's a good time for TV)