I think I'm in love, again.

Adalyn Jane Collins was born at 2:02 on May 16th. I'm overwhelmed with love and adoration. Sad that I'm not pregnant anymore (and will never again be) and by the realization that Wilder and Gwyneth aren't babies anymore!

I like this job

Happy Mother's Day!

39 week belly

Just so I won't forget!

Taken at my baby shower. Me, mom, grandmother, and aunt Sheila.

Patiently Waiting

So twelve more days until my due date. It's hard to beleive I've made it to a point that I'm actually prepared for this little baby to come. Folded, clean, newborn clothes, a clean house, nursing accessories, I even have a new boppy and fancy new bedding for our not so fancy crib! Two weeks ago I was dialated to a 3-4 and 70% effaced. This created a lot of histeria that I might go into labor anytime. So much that I had my party at work the next day instead of like 5 days later and lots of teachers and students asking "you're still here?" I did actually have a false labor shortly after that check that got us moving and our bags packed. Since then I've felt great, no contractions just a growing belly. So for my last appointment I decided to not have the doctor check me. I didn't want any false hope. So anytime you want to come little girl we're ready. I can't wait to see your little face. To see how you, the last piece to our family puzzle, will fit in.

How Many Funny Things Can You Find In The Above Photo?

Welcome Spring

and all that you bring!

Please Help

I knew it might be a little bit of a challenge going back to work after a week home with the kids. Tonight at bedtime I told Wilder I had to go back to work tomorrow. What proceeded was me attempting to explain to a 3 year old why I had to go to work. "But we already have new clothes and a house and lots of money." Then, yes, he said it..."why don't you love me anymore?" I about cried. I'm curious what has worked for other working moms in helping little ones understand.

Spring Break

Overall I think Spring Break was a success. Of course we didn't accomplish all that we imagined we would, but is that ever the case? We made a little room for baby with some Spring cleaning, spent tons of time with the kids, spent too much money on a trip to OKC, and recharged our batteries for the weeks ahead. The next 8 weeks are going to be crazy busy and stressful. But, as my friend Tasha so optimistically stated, after they're over we'll have a new baby girl to fall in love with and a teenage-free summer.

I thought I'd post this photo of Gwyn because she thought it was hilarious. She will NOT sit on the potty. She will simply say "I already did." However, pair a bare bottom and an empty bucket and she will ask you about 10 times to "take one more picture of me." Oh, my stubborn, sweet, soon-to-be-middle-child, how I love you. I just hope your little sister is like your brother.

I think they understand

I had a conversation with Wilder and Gwyn tonight that was just too precious to risk forgetting. It was the most intense and lengthy conversation we've had yet about our new baby coming. I asked Wilder where our new baby was going to sleep when she got here. Of course he said his bed so he could love her. This then opened up a huge discussion of what we're going to do with the new baby when she gets here. We went through everything from bathing, feeding, to showing her all of his new toys. Gwyn chimed in now and then, I think she really understood. At one point they were both showing me how babies crawl so that they could teach her to crawl. The sweetest was when Wilder said we have to snuggle her on the couch and give her lots of hugs. I think I'm just dumbfounded at how smart Wilder is becoming lately. He understands so much now. His curiosity and sincerety never fail to make my heart be still just for a moment. I know he is going to be an incredible, loving, protective big brother who will love taking care of both of his little sisters.

30 weeks!

Well the March issue of Tulsa Kids came out this week! Pretty fun to see our little family in print. Here's a link to the Tulsa Kids Website. There's a little photo of us and you can read the story. My friend Holly Wall wrote the story about VBAC's (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, what I had with Gwyneth). Hopefully the story will be helpful and a few more women will realize that VBAC is an option!

I am 30 weeks today! I'm realizing it's time to start thinking and preparing to actually give birth to this baby. I ordered some books from the library to get myself inspired for natural childbirth once again. I'm confident and nervous!

I need losts of grace to get through the end of this school year. My tolerance level has been pretty low this week. Doesn't seem like there is much of a differnce between dealing with 14 and 15 year olds and coming home and dealing with my 2 and 3 year old! If I can just get past April 6th I think I'll survive. The 6th is the date for our school plays we're working on...you are all invited!



Come Spring come!

Sunday Evening

A friend at church gave me this poem today. Written by a jewelry artist she loves. I think I loved it because I related to almost all of it!

I love my life.
I love what I do.
I am a Leo. (or a Gemini)

I am obsessive.
I am shy.
I am strength.

I love coffee.
I can't be without my designer boots. (or new retro New Balance tennis shoes)
I am at peace when I can hear the water and feel the wind.

I am socially awkward.
I love to observe.
I believe in balance, patience, and what lies ahead.
I recycle.

I work hard and give everything
to my family and career.
I love being a mommy.
I am learning as I go.

It has been a journey for me
and I am thankful for every tear
and every laugh.
My family and friends are beautiful.
My husband is my rock.
I am in love.

I create from the heart.
Sometimes it works and sometiems it doesn't.
I dedicate my line to the enormity of
(I may need to think how to adapt this last line specifically)

Other weekend highlights:
Weekend Highlights!
-My house is in much better shape than it was Friday night.
-Celebrated my mom's birthday at my grandmother's house. Hence, got to see my grandmother and the rest of the family.
-Spent some quality time painting, cutting, gluing, and playing with Wilder and Gwyn this afternoon.

Sweet

Just had a great lunch with mom and dad. Wilder and Gwyn have enjoyed Valentine's Day. Wilder keeps saying "Happy New Year" instead. Of all holidays I guess New Years made a lasting impression! Mom made a super yummy cheesecake for Valentines Day. I, with no shame, asked for a second piece. Nobody else did. This sweet craving is getting out of control. Blake has been buying chocolate candy for our Sunday school class we're teaching. Needless to say he's had to rebuy some because of my candy habit. Last week I told him to hide the bag from me. I found it in Roy's dogfood tub. Gross. I didn't think the kids would appreciate smelly dog food candy so I exercised some self control and put it in the pantry.

We get another ultrasound tommorow. Maybe I can post some pictures of the baby and my quickly growing belly. A little discouraging to think I have three more months and my shirts are getting to small already.

Our fridge died this week. Because of it our house smells like rotten fish. I guess it stayed thawed out in the freezer too long and after scrubbing it, it still smells. On the night we threw out all the food and Blake headed for the grocery store I had to be a little creative on what to feed the kids for dinner. We made what I called "peanut butter cookie oatmeal". Not bad. Pb, sugar, butter, raisins, and oatmeal. Wilder also ate practically a whole avacado with it. Gwyn ate cheetos.

I don't know why but I have become much more relaxed about what goes into my kiddos and my body lately. During this whole pregnancy really. It seems less significant than in times past. Maybe I realize there's bigger things to worry about? We'll see how long it lasts.

I took Wilder and Gwyn to the museum yesterday for free second saturday. I love this program. The kids had a great time and really enjoy the activities. Yesterday they made paper mobiles which they drug over the whole museum and outside garden. I had to staple them about 100 times back together last night. Each time you go they give the kiddos a free art supply. We got watercolor markers yesterday that we haven't tried yet. As we were leaving our friend was on her way to paint with her daughter. We had already been there for 2 hours and needed to go to the grocery store so I made Wilder leave despite the cries of "I want to paint!" What did I do? I coaxed him out of the museum with the promise of ice cream. Ok, so I wanted some too.

So at the grocery store I was lucky to find a front row parking place. On the way out I was taking a long time to pull out because I was handing out peanut butter whoppers - see I'm out of control. (actually Wilder ordered a pineapple shake at Sonic and didn't like it and was upset so I told him I'd get him some candy inside the store). Anyway, apparently I was taking a really long time and there was a man in a truck waiting for my parking spot. He honked to get my attention. Does anyone else think this is rude? So as I was pulling out I honked back. Then he flipped me the bird. How rude. Really, to a pregnant lady with two kids? He could have found another spot and have walked in to the store with all the time he waited. Lazy jerk!

Geez, it is STILL snowing!

I'm starting to feel like our snow day was a little more justified. So far, it's been about the perfect day. I don't remember the last time both Gwyn and Wilder were taking naps at the same time. I've been taking care of little things at home like nagging chores. I might actually do some painting tonight. Last night I wasted too many brain cells on two hours of American Idol catch up, so feeling the need to be a little productive!

I made an effort to check my facebook page today. Arrgg, my computer will not let me share. Oh well, to all you "friends" that have left comments or sent friend requests - it's not personal!

Snow Day

I don't know that there is much sweeter than a snow day. Defenitely one of the perks of being a teacher. Nevermind the fact that we'll have to make the days up at the end of the year right? I convinced myself that I needed to stop at the grocery store on the way home yesterday to get some groceries in case we couldn't get out today. Truthfully, I was just hungry and saw it as an excuse to satisfy some cravings. I bought ice cream, frozen pizza, blueberry muffins, and stuff to make cherry crumble. I made the crumble last night, delicious! Speaking of food, aren't chocolate cherrios the best thing since sliced bread?

Yesterday I woke up and felt like my belly had grown over night. Funny, a few of my students agreed. I'm blaming the growth spurt for all the junk food.

Continued...

Sometimes I really love our beagle. He goes on these kicks every once in a while where he decides he needs some action so he digs out of our backyard. Luckily he chose to do so this week when the ground was nice and muddy. He's been able to track in lots of mud. I mentioned before how I can't keep up with the laundry. This afternoon I put Gwynny on her bed to change her diaper and above her head was an animal bone from the woods that Roy obviously had drug in. (we have a doggy door) It still had fur and gross things on it, looked like maybe a cat or a possum? Awesome. So all of Gwyn's bedding to be washed. After all this I still love him enough to put a blanket on our bed so he can sleep on top of our pillows. Poor little dog. Blake and Wilder are currently giving Roy a beagle bath to remove the rotting flesh smell.

I saw a quote the other day on a piece of wall art that I should have bought: "Cleaning up after kids [and beagles] is like shoveling snow in a blizzard"

More on motherhood. I was thinking more specifically how my love is maturing for the kiddos. I'm thankful for the emotions that come with being a mom and how they make my life richer. My capacity to feel these emotions grows as they do. I don't think I knew what it felt like to be proud before Wilder and Gwyn. Or protective. Or sad. Or sympathetic. Or to feel such adoration. Or frustration.

If your toddler is bored buy him/her a flashlight. And lots of batteries.

What is everyone reading? Any good recommendations?

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" Probably one of my favorite verses. So simple. That's what I'm shooting for, a little more time to be still this week.

Random Thoughts

I had a sad realization that a great amount of my daily energy is spent trying to control other people's trips to the bathroom. At home, I'm practically dragging Wilder to the potty and in bizarre contrast, at school, I'm asked about a billion times a day by my students if they can go to the bathroom - much to my annoyance!! To make things worse, it seems pee smell has taken over my house as well. I can't do laudry fast enough to wash all the pee soaked sheets and underwear and cloth diapers. Not to mention all the pee that does not make it into the toilet in my bathroom now.

Feeling [and looking] more pregnant these days. Friday was the first day I really had any discomfort with cramps and such. Also, I think the hormones have made me a little irritable this weekend. I'll be 24 weeks this week. Doctor still thinks it's a girl. Wilder will randomely ask now in conversation what we're going to name the baby. It's pretty sweet. Having a new baby in May still feels sort of unreal. I can't get my mind around what this little person will be like. Time is going by so fast yet I'm not feeling panicked or the need to prepare much at this point. I DO know I want a Moby Wrap though! To all baby mommas out there, I think it's the perfect baby sling! I know, this is my opinion, not only is it great for wearing the baby in the house, but also so much nicer than toting a newborn around in public in a carrier when all the baby really wants is to be close to his momma!! I've been looking at baby slings and discovered the Moby last week. It's so comfortable for the mom (soft fabric) and very womb-like for the baby. You have both hands free and from what I hear the baby is very comfortable in it.

I'm falling more in love with Wilder and Gwyn every day. I'm understanding how my love matures as they do. Each little conversation they have with eachother is so precious to me. Sometimes I just can't get enough squeezes in one day. My happiness is so tied up in theirs. I miss them even being away one night. Wait, I probably should add my unhappiness too. Motherhood is not all rosy. This morning deep in dreamland I was awakened by little footsteps and Wilder standing at my bed at 6:11. On a Saturday. Then, ten minutes later Gwyn was in our bed. On a Saturday. Pregant lady needs her sleep. So I admit I wasn't the nicest as I was making pancakes at 6:45. Did I mention on a Saturday? The pancakes, btw, were made in outer space molds that I got from Williams and Sonoma. Really, I probaby wouldn't have been in the mood to make pancakes had it not been for the desire to try the new molds. I figured out why I couldn't get teh pancakes out of the molds when I realized I had the molds upside down. So the second batch was better. Also I used whole wheat flower. Ok, gross. I know it's healthier but I really didn't enjoy them as much as I could have. (and pancakes are high on my craving list right now).

Also, I am having a hard time lately with Wilder's OCD. I think it's just a toddler trait, I've even heard it's a first born trait. Sometimes he will absolutely refuse to eat or drink something because it was not prepared in the correct way. A certain number of books at night, a specific anything really. This coupled with the "I do it by myself" desire is pretty challenging at times. Especially when you're in a hurry.

School is satisfying. I was thinking the other day that in contrast with my old job, I don't feel like I'm wasting time anymore. I've come to terms with the fact that each day is a collection of little defeats and victories which is just part of being a teacher. You have no idea what a relief it is when the one student who is a thorn in my side is absent on a Friday. I do have plans now to attempt my first theatrical production on April 6th with my drama classes. Scary but exciting. Also on the school front, there is a strong possibilty that I won't have my job next year! Yep, Sand Springs is predicting a reduction in force due to budget cuts and little me on the bottom of the totem pole will be at high risk to be let go. So a lot of unknown on the horizon. We'll know more in about a month hopefully. At this point I'm really not freaking out. I have a feeling that everything will be as it should.

Good night everyone, I've got some American Idol to catch up on! (and Lost starts in two weeks people, it's a good time for TV)

ABC's of Christmas Vacation

A-Attempts to get a good Christmas photo of the kids.
B-Boogers. Why does Gwyn insist on handing me every treasure she finds in her nose?
C-Clean. Oh the joy of a clean house.
D-Deciding it's ok to rock my little girl to sleep for as long as she wants me to.
E-Earnest curiosity. Wilder was equally thrilled to observe and ask what everyone else received as they opened their presents.
F-Friends. I have witnessed the maturing of a life-long (I pray) friendship between Wilder and Gwyn.
G-Girl. Doc said the little one on the way is "probably" a girl. Until further notice...
H-Holding hands. Or refusing to do so.
I-Icy roads. Grateful for our four wheel drive that got us out of a ditch!
J-Jargon. Wilder is thinks it's hilarious to ramble on in made up words at his dad's pretend frustration. In the car mostly.
K-Kisses, sweet kisses.
L-Lack nothing. Psalm 33:10 says those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. I feel humbled as I realize there is not really any good thing I lack.
M-Mexican food. Vallarta's in Mannford was tasty! Enjoyed the company too!
N-Names. Blake and I have been thinking about names for our new probably baby girl. Not getting too far.
O-Oh Holy Night. My favorite Chrismas Song. I made myself memorize the first verse this year so I could sing it to Wilder and Gwyn. Stirs up wonder and praise in me.
P-Patience. Paying off credit card before getting that new TV, rug...(see L)
Q-Quiet Christmas. Enjoyed the slower pace the weather insisted on.
R-Refusing to swallow. Gwyn has decided to not swallow the last bite in her mouth at mealtime and just let it hang out for a while. Gross.
S-Spongebob Squarepants. Could somebody email me the lyrics to the theme song? My daughter asks me to sing it every night at bedtime. He is sort of adorable though isn't he?
T-Time. Lots of it. What a gift!
U-Under the chair, table, you name it, a place for Wilder and Gwyn to hide. So far we haven't grown tired of pretending to not see them.
V-Very far away! Missed my brother in Iraq.
W-White Christmas.
X-Xtra chocolate, extra weight gain.
Y-Yummy, that is my new fancy fossil purse.
Z-Z's. Lots of them.

Favorite Christmas Pictures/Moments

The Story I Promised

It was day 43. My cycles ahd been pretty regular. Between 28-30 days. I didn't really think too much of it. I felt normal. We had not anything that would give me reason to suspect I was pregnant. (we were not careless) Maybe my period was late because the stress and busyness of my new job. It HAD been all consuming, that was surely it. That happens to women right? Day 43 was on a Thursday. The next day my mom and I had plans to take some of our things to my aunts neighbourhood garage sale, including some of our baby items. My thought was, well, I guess I should make sure I'm not pregnant before I get rid of my stroller right? So I stopped at Walgreens to buy a test. I called a friend out of amusement, she was convinced I was pregnant. I still didn't believe it could be true. I was home with the kids by myself that evening after school. Blake had a track meet. I barely thought about the test until after the kids went to bed. I took the test and immediately a very distinct plus sign showed up. My heart began to beat a little faster, I got a little sweaty. I frantically opened the directions to make sure I was reading this thing right. I think I read it 5 times to make sure I wasn't missing something. Really? REALLY? Instead of immediately praying I immediately started calling girlfriends until I reached one. Lots of laughter and crying followed. When Blake got home I was standing in the kitchen leaning on the bar. Their was no use in trying to postpone the news, it was all over my face. He immediately knew something was going on. Half laughing and crying (I can't think of any other time in my life that I've done this really) I got the words out. His reaction was hilarious, so nonchalant, like this happens to us all the time. He sat down across from me in the barstool and put his hands in his hands and said "well, guess I better start doing my homework on the internet so I can find us a bigger car and house." (It wasn't until we got the ultrasound did he stop teasing me about faking it.) It really was a special evening. After the shock went away and reality set in we were just overwhelmed with thankfulness and humbled that God would choose this for us. Such an overwhelming feeling when you realize that your life really isn't your own. We took a little time to pray together and to thank God for this gift of another addition to our family. We couldn't be more overwhelmed, surprised, or excited.